I attended one afternoon session of a district assembly in September 2012 at the State Fairgrounds arena in Salem, Oregon. It was the Saturday evening session the day they released the Sparlock DVD. I only went there to get a couple of copies. My wife still threatens me with castration or worse if I ever decide to go again. Summer Saturday afternoons are for wine coolers on our deck, not going to a JW convention...
But that aside, I did go that one time. I wore a dressy sport coat and dress slacks, but did not wear a tie nor did I have a badge. I figured the attendants would just consider me "one of the public responding to the invitation that local JWs left at my door without knocking and just sneaking away quietly." But I did get quite a few rather unfriendly stares as I worked my way inside the arena. I found a seat in the upper tier looking straight down at the floor of the arena and the stage. Really, I was very entertained just looking around watching JWs do what they do best.
Down on the main floor (I could see everyone seated down there) I watched as there was constant traffic. Teenagers going to the restroom with a friend or two, mothers going to the restroom with their babies. An occasional brother grabbing an unruly child and hauling them outside for a stern talking-to or worse. It was very much like watching a trail of ants running in rows along the top of a curb.
Upon their return, these young people and mothers would have to work their way back down some rather long rows of folding chairs. If I remember right, there was one large section in the center and two half sections on each side with two aisles dividing the sections. The aisles were always busy with moving bodies - constant from the end of the first prayer until the arena emptied out.
I was up above the main area in a rather steep group of seats. This allowed me to look over the shoulders of the JWs sitting below me. I was shocked - shocked, I say! - to note that about half of those sitting up there were actually looking at their iPads, SmartPhones, and laptops. I noticed that quite a few had two or three screens open and they would switch back and forth whenever they sensed an attendant approaching or lurking behind them. They didn't seem to care if other R&F or strangers like me noticed what they were doing while the talks went on. I was actually glad to see that these folks were pretty normal when they had access to the Internet, even during an assembly session. Of course, several were in different stages of napping, reading other books, or quietly chatting with their family or friends. What I saw was not unexpected - I attended many assemblies and conventions when I was a youngster, but I was amazed at how brazen some of them were about what they were doing.
An interesting thing I also noticed was the hum-drum staccato way all the speakers sounded. Of course I was aware that they were reading a script and could not vary at all at any time - even when the situation might call for it. But I noticed that all of the sentences were about the same length. One sentence would end with a rise, and the next would end with a dip. Up, down - up, down - up, down. Every speaker sounded the same way. If there was a sentence that required emphasis, all the speaker would do is raise his voice slightly and end the sentence or paragraph with an upbeat. It was quite hypnotizing. Even the guests (local pioneers or elders) who would come up and share their personal stories sounded like they were pre-recorded and were only standing there moving their lips. Very sleep inducing for sure.
But back to the subject at hand, but with a bit of a twist. Now what I am about to share is not intended to put down anyone because of their body shape or weight, so please hang on to your slings and arrows:
Heavy or wide people were clearly problematic no matter where they sat - unless they were in a row with easy ingress or egress. Fortunately, the seats on the floor of the arena were all folding chairs.
As I watched, it seemed that nearly every heavy or large sister who was sitting in the middle of a row HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST ONCE EVERY HOUR. Only teenaged girls were needier in that regard. So I would watch as these poor women would have to choose which way to exit. One time to the left, next time to the right, next time flip a coin. Everyone would have to stand up, slide their chairs back, pick up their purses or briefcases, and let the poor lady or older fellow get by. And of course, it would all repeat when the potty person came back to retake their seat. At first, it seemed that all the heavy-weights picked seats in the middle of the pack.
Ah, but then I realized that I was wrong. Many had camped out near the end of a row. As those in the middle needed to work their way to the aisle, poor sister or brother much-larger-than-average would have to struggle to get up and then actually move out into the aisle to let those exiting get by. This was often a major undertaking, in some cases 2 minutes or longer. Then it the same process would be repeated. In almost every case, the large person on the end would have to maneuver in and out of the aisle.
As I sat there I kept thinking, "Why do they put the folding chairs so close to the rows ahead? Why not add a couple of feet between them? But no, the knees of the those sitting in each row, except for the first and last (they could slide their seats back) were pushed so close that almost everyone in the row would have to stand up to let someone out. And there wasn't enough room for heavy people to "suck it in" so that someone could squeeze by them.
So during the whole afternoon session, as I was being put to sleep by the speakers, I was also mesmerized by the almost constant movement - like rows of piano keys scrolling up and down - as I looked at the arena floor. And this movement was constant throughout the entire session, even during the songs and the prayers.
I realized all of this movement had less to do with the need to relieve or replenish bodily fluids. It was from boredom. Most people can sit through a 3-hour movie without getting up and going to the bathroom, but not a convention session. OK, even I have to go sometimes during a movie - if I just finished off an extra large Diet Coke. But watching the movement during a convention session gives "bathroom breaks" a whole new definition in terms of our modern culture.
I found the whole thing very entertaining and caught it all (I never once left my seat for a bathroom break). Next time I go (if my wife is out of town), I will take my camera glasses and film about 20 minutes of the session and then overlay it on a graphic of an ant hill, and speed it up by about 50%. If you watch movies of the old "International Conventions" from the 1950s and 60s you will see that same movement going on while the sessions are going on. Some things never change. It's a scientific fact: Boredom makes one have to go to the bathroom.
JV
